It's amazing to me the way God works in our lives. He is never predictable, yet always knowing just where to plant our feet to take us where He is calling us to go. For over two years we have been preparing our hearts and home for an international adoption. We've taken classes, prepared our children, and watched God provide for us financially.
We truly began the journey of adoption before we were even engaged. We thought and planned for adoption in our future feeling called to take care of orphans and wanting to experience, to see and touch, such an key component of the gospel. As we began to take steps toward adoption a few years ago we began exploring our options. We have always had such a heart for other cultures. We planned to be missionaries in our early years of marriage so we knew we wanted to adopt internationally. We also seriously looked at foster care (not only in the beginning but several times throughout the process). But each time, we didn't think we could foster for all the same reasons everyone thinks they can't foster. How could we not only let, but work toward, giving a child up? How could our biological children do the same? What baggage would the children bring, and how could we work through those things without being able to discipline as we would our own children?
As we pursued our own adoption we began to realize there were many questions that we weren't asking about international adoption. Questions we didn't know to ask. Why are orphans with one parent alive still considered orphans? What is a biological mother thinking as she is giving her child over to an orphanage because she cannot financially take care of her children? Why are foreign governments so leery of international adoption? What precautions are taken to make sure that parents, who have given up their child in hopes for a better life for them, understand fully what they are doing.
This is not a blog to bash international adoptions. So many people take it upon themselves to do just that, and it is hurtful. I actually think that in many cases international adoptions are the only hope for some of these children. However, we unknowingly entered a world that we had no idea existed with questions to answer that we didn't even know to ask. Please don't miss this. We DID NOT take our family out of the international adoption process because we didn't get these questions answered in a way that pleases us. We have no reason to believe that our agency is doing anything more than amazing work for orphans in many countries. Actually, I think it is quite the contrary. From what we have seen and the questions we have asked our agencies have only the best interest of the children at heart and are doing everything in their power to make sure that only ethical adoptions happen. But I say all of this to say we realized that there is no such thing as a "clean" or "easy" adoption. I think going through this process helped us to see the brokenness in ALL adoptions and the things that all children who are adopted have to face. Adoption is messy and broken. Without brokenness there is no need to adopt. This is the journey we have been on.
We learned at the beginning of the year that the timeline for adoptions to our country of Ethiopia were more than likely going to double. This is something I think I at least was somewhat prepared for knowing what all was going on in the world of Ethiopian adoption. At the same time this made us come to a point where we had to reach a decision. I thought and prayed about it before even discussing it with Alex and I knew in the very back corner of my heart what I felt growing there, but I didn't dare voice it. So I laid it out to him. "The way I see it we have a few choices 1. we can wait it out and just adopt later than we thought 2. we can wait it out and try to have another biological child to keep us busy (just like a woman right) 3. we can look into other countries (we quickly found out there were not really any that we qualified for with our agency) or 4. we can look into foster care and be ready for adoption if/when necessary." After a quick look on our agencies website seeing that international adoption was out with them for now he said, "I think we should foster." Um...what? I just knew that would be his last choice. Remember, we had already said we couldn't do that right now. We had considered it when our children were older or grown, but that talk was way in the future. "Yeah, I really think we should foster. We should look into it and pray and invite others to pray for us, but I really think that's what we will end up doing," he said. That's what my heart was leaning toward in that remote corner that I wouldn't allow to grow. Wow, that was kind of easy.
So we did. We looked into it. We talked to friends who were foster parents in another county. We had our family and our small group pray with us. We contacted DHR and waited for a date for our GPS training classes to start. I had several friends who kind of consoled me when we asked them to pray because they thought I would be upset or grieving because I wasn't getting to go with my "plan A." It was remarkable every time someone asked me how I "was with it" because not only was I not sad, I was excited. I didn't feel at all as if I were settling for foster care, but that all of this had been preparing our hearts for this culmination. I don't do well with change, neither of us really do, and yet here we were, both excited.
That's where we are now. Excited. Nervous. Sitting at what will be class 9 out of 10 in a few days knowing that our life is about to change. We are on the brink. We could have a child(ren) in our home in a matter of weeks. At the same time, we are about to be thrust into the world of brokenness and uncertainty. We are about to have a child in our home to love, protect, and take care of like one of our own, but who will not be and may not be ours forever. We will soon have children enter our life that have been taken from everything they know and value and put in our home. We are about to enter a world of rejection as we love these children and they reject us, because all they want is their mom or dad, which is completely understandable. We are about to enter the world of attachment problems and stare real hunger in the face. I know we will never be ready and our children will never be the same, but we are excited to be the hands and feet of Christ. Some we will only get to love a little while, maybe some will be ours for a lifetime, but in the end we know that we serve a God that knows the end like the beginning. He knows our end. He knows all of the children we will love and has them in our home for a reason.
We covet your prayers. We are not super parents by any stretch of the imagination; we are just trying to be obedient to God's call. We thank you for all of the support you have given so far in this whole crazy journey we are on. It makes me laugh to see what we thought our lives would be like at different points in time.To see what God is calling us to, looks in my eyes to be so different, when in fact it is not at all. We thought in the beginning of our marriage that we would soon be serving on the mission field. Gadsden, for now and maybe always, is our mission field and we are in love with this community. We thought we would be bringing a child from around the world into our home. Instead we will be loving and cherishing children from just down the street. I am learning that God calls us to do the things we never thought we could do, because then it is Him, not us, doing the work.
"Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen." Ephesians 3:20-21
PS - The blogging hiatus was a requirement for our protection while on or before being on the waiting list. I had to be private and just decided to take an all around break. Hopefully there will be more to come.
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